If you’re wondering why Cleveland was the effigy of the Springfield tire fire from the Simpsons last night, then it was likely due to the cavalcade of GOP presidential candidates throwing lit matches into a pile of dirty diapers during the season’s first presidential candidate debate.
It was, for lack of a better term–or maybe I just don’t want to think of one–a poop show.
You can find a few GOP candidates in this mess somewhere. Photo courtesy of Simpsons Wiki
I’m running a family blog, guys.
Anyway, let’s start with Donald Trump. Besides the blonde raccoon that sits on the crown of his head that is thinly disguised as hair, he was probably the most disgusting candidate on stage.
When moderator Megyn Kelly asked Trump about his disparaging comments about women by calling them pigs and disgusting animals on Twitter, Trump quipped that he was only referencing Rosie O’Donnell.
I mean… sigh. He kind of explained his comments by saying that nobody has time for political correctness because the country is in trouble.
I guess?
Trump and O’Donnell have a bitter distaste for one another, but for Trump to so brazenly refer to O’Donnell as a pig and a slob to laughs from the audience was a little bothersome. Either because I think that Trump is about as tactful and trustworthy as the cracked head gasket on my old Cadillac or that he should have been chided for his decision to publicly sham–nevermind. You get it by now. Trump is just a car wreck at a NASCAR race and no one cares to look away.
Photo courtesy of the Orlando Sentinel
That’s not necessarily a bad thing either.
Then there’s Florida Senator Marco Rubio. He was the calmest and coolest of the night. He sounded like someone pushed play on him with every answer that softly rolled from his perfectly glossed lips.
He didn’t say anything too off center and didn’t throw any flames while on stage. But he was caught in a a compromising position regarding his support for abortion exceptions. When asked why he supported abortions for women who are victims of rape or incest, Rubio basically said that he did no such thing.
The internet is a funny place sometimes. Turns out he actually did. Rubio co-sponsored a bill about abortion exceptions.
Next up is the rest of the group. Scott Walker and Chris Christie did fine but didn’t stand out. Dr. Ben Carson jumbled some words together about how everyone shouldn’t be judged by their skin color when asked about healing the country’s race divisions.
Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush was just “meh.” He was steady and didn’t make any waves. Also didn’t kill his chances.
It was, honestly, a giant match that was lit under one of my son’s diapers after he’s had a two-piece spicy from Popeyes. There were too many candidates on stage and Fox attempted to jam as many questions in as possible.
There was a light and brief mention of #Blacklivesmatter and police brutality. Walker took a swing at the question but missed horribly. He talked of additional police training and kept the train moving.
We will be subjected to more of these, and for the rest of them, I’ll glue my eyelids to my face to watch the rest. It’s due to curiosity and a cynical attempt at finding some sort of common ground.
Doubtful I’ll find it but at least I’ll have the smell of burning tires out of my hair by then.
-JH
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